Small Moments

Not long ago, I listened to one of the most touching stories I have ever heard. By touching, I mean something that actually changed my life and changed the way I look at my life. The amazing woman telling the story lost a newborn child a year prior, and related her experience. I can't imagine the pain that would come with carrying and delivering a full-term baby only to realize that you would never really get to know the tiny life you had been growing to love over the last 9 months.  But her story was not about the grief or pain, but of the peace she felt as she held the tiny baby in her arms and felt the last breath leave his tiny body. She said that in that moment she was overcome with the love of her Heavenly Father, His love for her, and His love for that baby. She said she felt God gave her a gift in that moment by helping her to more fully understand His plan, His understanding of time, and that this experience, and ultimately her life was just one small moment.

Listening to her story, I felt I was also given my own gift that has changed my perspective in ways I needed desperately at the time, and continue to rely on heavily to more fully accept and enjoy my role as a mother. Being a mother is hard for me. My children challenge me in ways I never thought possible. I struggle to enjoy days filled with endless requests, whining, crying, arguing, housework, laundry, homework, chauffeuring, and ultimately emotional situations I rarely feel mature or energetic enough to handle. This is not a struggle that is mine alone. I know that motherhood is the greatest challenge many women will ever encounter, and I know that any and all of these feelings plague every mother, it's just a matter of degrees.

I, also, was given peace and understanding, and it filled me with hope and a happiness I hadn't felt in a long time. I felt loved by my Heavenly Father, relieved of the burdens I had been carrying, and I suddenly understood two things about small moments. The first is that every trial is "small" in relation to the peace that we can find through God. They do not last forever, and they are small in God's infinite wisdom. Knowing that God loves me, and feeling that very strongly every now and then is enough in and of itself to keep me going during the worst life can throw at me.

The second thing I came to understand is that small moments end. This means that I can rely on that peace to get me through until things are better whether that is minutes, hours or years from now. It is a reminder that messes get cleaned up, tantrums end, sleep comes eventually (even if it is years later), and my temper will cool if I hide in the bathroom long enough. I just have to keep it together long enough for the things that drive me crazy to pass (easier said than done, but emotionally it has really helped me to make the mental connection that most things I struggle with are VERY temporary).

The other insight I was given is that these small moments end. You might think this is exactly what I said above, but it isn't. This is the downside of small moments ending. One of my babies is already in school, the others are headed there quickly. My days are filled with plenty of moments that I wish would end, but each and every moment is one small chance that I have to let my kids know that I like them, love them, and think they are amazing (even if they are in serious trouble). I will never get those chances back, and every one counts. So even though they are small, they still matter.

I chose to be a mother. My children choose to love me, and provide me with opportunities every day to be a better person, be more patient, be more kind, be more present, and be more aware of what really matters. I fail to make the most out of these opportunities on a regular basis, but the understanding that every moment is small in multiple ways gives me the perspective I need to fail less, succeed more, and find more joy in my life every day.