Part of the drawback to blogging is that once information is out there, it is out there. The BK and I were so excited to announce our news about #2, after what we thought was a reasonable confirmation from my doctor. A few misunderstandings, and one very rough week later, we are heartbroken to announce that this is not a pregnancy that was meant to be.
Typically, this is just the type of event in my life that I prefer to keep to myself. I have learned many things, however, through this experience that have made me extremely grateful that I was forced to share it with quite a few people. I have learned that many of my friends and family have also experienced similar or much more difficult losses. I have been reminded that people are kind and compassionate and willing to do just about anything in their power to make me and the BK feel better. I have learned that women, including myself, often bear unbearable things with courage and resolve and faith. Thank you to all of you who have already shared your own stories with me. It does help, not with grieving the loss, but with the other grief which creeps in when thinking that there is something wrong with me. It helps to understand that this is a fairly normal, but very difficult part of building a family.
More than anything, it has made me more grateful for every moment with the LG. What a blessing it is to have even one beautiful child to keep us laughing, working, and getting out of bed even when we don't want to. The day I found out, the BK came home to take care of us, and I decided that what I needed was a very long nap. As the BK was dressing the LG to take him to the park, the LG escaped to run in and give me a very soft and sweet kiss (a virtual unknown for me previous to this time), he then turned and ran to the door only to turn right back around and give me one more.
What a beautiful life this is. Hard, but beautiful. It is quite something to feel the love of so many people. I am always amazed, particularly by women, and their ability to comfort, serve and bounce back. A special thanks to the BK who is my rock, and who makes life better always, particularly when things get messy.
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One woman keeping herself as sane as possible on the crazy train.
11 comments:
oh Jen... I am so sorry. really, truly.
hang in there. my thoughts are with you.
Jen- I have been reading your blog for a couple of weeks now and haven't commented yet. What a sweet sweet boy you have. I have enjoyed reading about your family. Thanks for sharing.
I am so,so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I've been thinking about you . . . I hope this week is better.
So eloquently put. Thanks for sharing such intimate feelings. It's amazing to see your strength and gratitude in the midst of hardship. You are an incredible woman!
we are sorry for the news and hope all is well with the daines in portland.
Jenn, that was so beautifully put. Jackson is such a little sweetheart. He knew just what his mommy needed.
You impress me with your strength. You have such a healthy outlook on it all. We're thinking about you and we love you.
Oh Jenn. That is rough. I'm sorry and sad to hear that you've been suffering. I admire the perspective you have. And you're right, sometimes it is shocking to discover the strength you never knew you had.
You make me tear up when I think about what you are going through. I am so sorry and sad for you. I heard from Grandma, and she has had a hard time too. I was reading a book called, "Portraits from an unfinished woman" by Ruth Swaner (from Smithfield, UT actually) and she said after having a ruptured tubal pregnancy and being comforted by a friend, "The conversation was about a loss, a woman's sorrow. Thank you, Thaya, for understanding those feelings which are totally and uniquely a woman's . And God bless all women who risk to share, who reach out with compassion and love, who help the rest of us feel less alone in our losses." I have not gone through a complete miscarrage, but for a few days when I thought I was, I had never been more sad in my life. I can only imagine...I will be praying for you and your family. Thank goodness for Jackson and his sweet spirit being in tune with your feelings and what you need. We sure love you! Good luck and hopefully we will see you soon...Are you coming for the wedding?
Jenn, I just got the news. I'm so very sorry for your loss. You've got great strength and faith. And what a dear story about Jackson. Hang in there and I'll talk to you soon.
Jen -
I have been thinking about you a lot this week. Just checking in to make sure your doing okay.
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