Happy Birthday to Me

So my birthday was 2 days ago. Yes, I know, happy birthday to me. Personally, birthdays aren't really my thing. I prefer to feel like me everyday, and birthdays make me feel like I am supposed to feel different every year on February 4th (New Year's is another trash holiday in my book). I should probably put on my rose colored glasses, and simply accept the festivities in my honor, but I can't help but feel that this celebration is like celebrating every number on the countdown 10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1.....to DEATH. I am fully aware that there are other ways to look at this, so in an effort to see B Day as something other than the earth's eventual victory over my mortal body, I am providing a list of my perfect birthday week in honor of my many friends who enjoy dragging on their own festivities for 7 days.

DAY 1: Somehow the LG is transported safely (don't worry, his particles will remain intact) to a holding tank where he is well cared for by his former nanny who he adores for the entire day while both me and the BK sleep in until 10am. Long, hot bath with my Apple Lavendar bath scrub. Off to the spa where I get a head massage that lasts 2 hours. Body massage, haircut, manicure, pedicure, hair removal, mud bath, and anything else that feels, smells, or makes me look good. I expect that this would take up the remainder of the day. Make it home to adore LG and play with him before he falls asleep on my shoulder and I tuck him into bed. Enter Nanny. BK and I head out for a quiet dinner at a nice restaurant. Home, bed early.

DAY 2: LG magically sleeps until 8am at which point the BK and I go to get him out of bed so we can coo and adore our most beautiful creation yet (we'd like to work on more of them, so in order to be truthful and fair to potential progeny, I can't rightfully say our most beautiful creation ever; ). Bath routine same as Day 1. Shopping for a new wardrobe with my girlfriends who now live on the other side of the country. Nap. Birthday party with friends and family where we chat about politics, kids and the insanity that is life (luckily, my brother and sister-in-law pretty much fulfilled this part for me this year - picture to follow so stay tuned). White creamy cake. MMMMMMM. I don't have to clean up, or feel guilty for not lending a hand. Sleep.

DAYS 3-5 - BK and I get to spend 3 days on vacation (and we get to use the transporter so as not to waste time on a plane). 5 star hotel with a nice soft bed with a great view. Warm and sunny. Near the water. Maybe Hawaii. Some hiking, swimming, walking, sleeping, and other things that married people without kids do.

DAY 6: I get to clean and organize my house without interruption. Yes, I would like to clean it myself - no maid, no cleaning service, no abracadabra. Just me, some rubber gloves, a sponge and some great music. BK and LG out spending quality time together. Family has pizza together at a restaurant where the LG is charming and smiley (this does happen on occasion, so not completely unrealistic) and doesn't throw food or scream. LG goes down for bed. BK and I watch (no sleeping, whining, or complaining from the BK) a romantic movie, after which he looks at me with doting eyes and kisses me like they do in the movies. Then we go to bed. Seriously, we sleep. Keep in mind we have just been on a 3-day romantic getaway.

DAY 7: Forget that I spent 6 days of my life celebrating my death.

In all seriousness, I had a wonderful birthday in LA where the LG and I stayed with my brother, his wife and 2 beautiful chillins. We went to the beach, aquarium, Getty Museum, and the American Apparel Outlet. I also got to see my sister and her family who I haven't seen in a long time, had 2 cakes, and ate more than I should have. Photos will follow.